The Joy Tax

A Tax on Spontaneous Expressions of Joy by Employees of United States of America, Inc.

By Author

April 1, 2014

New legislation, nicknamed "the Joy Tax," was leaked, this morning, by a congressional aide who calls himself, simply, "Winston."

What is the problem to which the Joy Tax legislation – due to be passed later today – is the solution?

The new legislation, subtitled "A Brighter Day for U.S.A., Inc.," states the problem:

"Spontaneous expressions of joy are unwelcome interferences in the orderly performance of workers' daily duties. The Monday-through-Saturday 12-hour workday is a sacrosanct tradition in United States of America, Inc., formerly the United States, and any incursion into those time-blocks must be viewed as an abuse of worker privilege."

If productivity is the problem, then the logical solution, states the bill, is to "create more time" for U.S.A., Inc. workers:

"Disincentivization is the solution to the problem of productivity-disenhancing spontaneous expressions of joy. Using taxation measures to disincentivize joy will create more time and necessarily bring new prosperity to United States of America, Inc., which has recently and most unfortunately lost its corporate leadership position in world markets due, in part, to time-wasting frivolity on the part of its workers."

How specifically will the proposed legislation disincentivize joy?

"By forcing workers to pay a 2% tax on their wages every time they break out into laughter or otherwise allow joy to manifest, this bill creates a strong psychological barrier to the manifestation of joy. Workers' disinclination to joy expression will result in an immediate increase in productivity and spur a return to a position of dominance of U.S.A., Inc. in world markets."

 

Will hugs be banned?

"All spontaneous expressions of joy – hugs, laughter, prolonged smiling, tooth-smiling, "booyahs," high-fives, etc. – will continue to be allowed by law. But while no criminal charges will be filed for spontaneous expressions of joy during workday hours, U.S.A., Inc. will make its disapproval of such expressions known through the firm hand of wage correction."

How will taxes be administered?

"Biometrics software, coupling face-scanning and heat-signature technologies, will make autonomous, real-time judgments, bypassing workers' microchips for faster, virtually instantaneous, taxation, or wage-correction. Laughter, smiling, and other expressions of joy, because they release significant amounts of body heat, can easily and accurately be detected by present-day, in-place biometrics technology."

 

Will state-sponsored laughter be allowed?

"United States of America, Inc. will allow non-taxed state-sponsored laughter, smiling, and other expressions of joy on a tri-monthly basis. On the 1st, 11th, and 21st day of each month, joy will be scheduled for workers for a minimum, and a maximum, of five minutes, directly after the 8:00 p.m. work stoppage time. State-sponsored expressions of joy from 8:00 p.m. to 8:05 p.m. must seem to be spontaneous (or "real"), or additional taxes will by levied as per Section 3A."

In accordance with the Code of Journalistic Ethics, this author fully and wholeheartedly agrees with and endorses the Corporation's position that a tax on joy is a fair and equitable solution to the problem of time stolen by U.S.A., Inc. workers in the form of spontaneous expressions of joy during workday hours.

This author fully and wholeheartedly agrees with and endorses the Corporation's position, further, that state-sponsored post-workday laughter is a reasonable method of managing workers' "joy release."

This author fully and wholeheartedly agrees with and endorses the Corporation's position, finally, that tri-monthly allotted periods of post-workday joy is a reasonable method of cutting time lost from spontaneous joy expression and will necessarily result in substantial productivity increase and create a brighter future in world markets for United States of America, Inc.

Congressional aide "Winston," who leaked this document hours before its assured passage later today on Capitol Hill, has not taken a public stance for or against the new legislation and he cannot be contacted by any standard protocol.

The author lives in Zone 7 of United States of America, Inc. His hobbies include surfing state-sponsored pornography and raising his children through Virtual Dad. His enforced privacy rating is Level 2, and he is therefore not contactable by other employees of U.S.A., Inc., except through Supervisor Mediation Query Protocol 1.

The Pen Is Mightier than the Drone

illustration by Faraz Aamer Khan

The Pen Is Mightier than the Drone

by Jock Doubleday

You dare to challenge

the hot blood of free humanity?

You dare to soar

through our blue skies autonomous,

unthinking, unfeeling, unyielding?

We are the Promethean race

who stole fire from the gods.

We are the descendants of Odysseus

whose strength moved earth and heaven.

We are the progeny of Giants,

a clever compaction,

a thinking brute without compunction

to amass our millions against you.

Moloch machine!!

Your silver, silent, senseless gauntlet

is a fly

buzzing around the head of limitless power,

anger without name,

retribution without end.

Your epitaph is written in stone

by savage-hearted, noble, 
crystal-eyed humanity.

Your destiny is etched upon the page of history

in words that pour from our primitive hearts

like ink from an eagle's quill.

Moloch machine!! Death-drone!!

Die!!

penned March 20, 2014

The Tyranny Will Be Televised

The Tyranny Will Be Televised
by Jock Doubleday

You thought they'd come in the dark of night,
sirens mute,
engines whispering your name,
your children's names,
you thought they wouldn't make a scene
and credits wouldn't roll
and blue lights wouldn't interrupt your dream,
but the tyranny will be televised.

You thought it was a secret plan
among the brotherhood,
you thought a dagger would be drawn
in candlelight
or stealthy poison seize your soul in catacombs,
but monsters' minions like the light of day
and make announcements of your doom
and salivate there's more to come:
the tyranny will be televised.

You thought the FEMA camps would bake
undocumented in the brutal sun
and never rouse the sleeping satellites,
you thought the torture would be private
and screams would go unheard
and blood unseen,
but those who click the tools were hired
because they lack empathic genes,
and replay is their favorite thing:
the tyranny will be televised.

You thought the revolution would be memory-holed
and the alphabet would start with B
and V would stand for villainy
and love would beg on shattered streets
and clones would dance in checkered sheets,
but A's in Aquarius, V's in love,
and love's in revolution, don't you know,
and revolution likes a show:
the tyranny will be televised.
* * * *

FOR THE FIRST TIME IN HISTORY, the descent of a society into tyranny will be televised.

There will be a complete record, in color, and in the finest detail, of a banker-sponsored coup, a corporate police and corporate military takeover of an entire country.

And not just any country: the United States, a country born of the fiery spirit of revolution and an unquenchable thirst for freedom.

This septillion²-pixel record of every lie, every hand gesture, every facial tic, every cynical stroke of the pen of the bankers' selected politicians steering a prosperous people toward ruin; this permanent audiovisual recording of the fervent resistance of a few good politicians, led by statesman Ron Paul, to the cynical machinations of the bankers' obsequious minions; this audiovisual footage of the resistance of U.S. citizens to TSAinvasions, K9 persuasion, black batons, and trainloads of light-armored tanks and armored personnel carriers with "RESCUE" or a red cross stenciled over camouflage paint (like drawing a heart on a nuclear warhead); this massive archive of videographic footage, in color and in sound, taken in its entirety, will be a unique and ultra-powerful teaching tool for future generations – assuming that any generations exist after the bankers have "rescued" us, that is, after they have completed their latest in a series of economic implosions and have rounded U.S. citizens up for FEMA camp internment – the last step before "useless eater" cullings, a planet-wide anti-humanity transhumanist program to depopulate the earth by 90%, give or take a few children, women, and men.

DHS purchased 2,700 armored personnel carriers in March 2013.

This audiovisual record will comprise a TV documentary that survivors will title "Tyranny 666.0" . . . or "Total Tyranny Comes to Town: How the United States Was Infiltrated, Corrupted, and Destroyed by Paid Minions of the Rothschild Dynasty.

The documentary begins with footage shot by local news channel and NYPD camerapersons in helicopters flying over lower Manhattan on September 11, 2001.

This footage, originally played by Rothschild-controlled media as a means to shock the world into submission, ended up, quite incidentally, giving the world its first detailed (videographic) look at a Rothschild-sponsored false-flag operation in progress.

What was meant to be televised to impressionable minds worldwide was: fireballs, terrorism, murder, a hot gauntlet thrown down by Muslims bent on pursuing an insane world-shaking clash of civilizations, a declaration of war by austere Muslims against hedonistic, money-above-all Christians.

Military-grade controlled demolition of the World Trade Center on September 11, 2001.

What many people (clear thinkers) actually saw, instead, was: three huge structures blown to dust by controlled demolition and the resulting pyroclastic flow of dust and ash, typical of volcanic explosions, pursuing city-dwellers throughout the streets of lower Manhattan like a Pillsbury Doughboy gone mad.

Two planes that flew into the two taller towers – aircraft that TV news reporters immediately identified as passenger planes hijacked by nefarious brown persons – were later identified by screen-grab enthusiasts and veteran passenger jet pilots as military jets whose sharp-banking, high-speed turns further identified them as remote-controlled.

This was big news – that Muslims were not responsible – but the people with discerning minds who discovered it, and others who read their research and understood it, had no control over the Rothschild-steered major media's outpouring of lies, so the official story of "Muslim terror on 9/11" continued to burn in the hearts of United States citizens and in the hearts of unwitting persons around the world.

In the years following 9/11, the televised build-up to total tyranny in the United States continued.

We watched news anchors blithely report that the TSA would be turning free persons into criminal suspects in U.S. airports in the name of "safety." We watched the rollout of Michael Chertoff's personally profitable naked body scanners, which employ carcinogenic backscatter x-rays that destroy both bodily health and bodily privacy. We watched air travelers senselessly pay for the crimes of "hijackers" who never flew (and never could have flown) passenger jets, or anything else, into the Twin Towers.

Michael Chertoff

We watched the TV news report the rise of checkpoints on U.S. highways as if reporting on the weather. These checkpoints shattered the 4th Amendment with one blow. (And police were often in league with military personnel, violating the Posse Comitatus Act.) On April 14, 2009, pastor Steven L. Anderson was illegally and unlawfully tasered, repeatedly, at an Arizona DPS and U.S. Border Patrol checkpoint because police claimed, incorrectly, that a drug-sniffing dog had identified drugs in his car. In Florida in 2010, "no refusal" DUI checkpoints were instituted in which, if a breathalyzer test was refused, blood was taken. In late August and early September of 2013, Tennessee police stopped drivers at "no refusal" blood-draw DUI checkpoints. In Alabama in 2014, off-duty deputies (pretending to be on-duty officers) were paid by a private research firm to gather DNA (saliva and blood samples) from driver volunteers (although the checkpoint sign bringing people to the shoulder of the road said nothing about volunteering) and paid volunteers $60.

The rise of the police state went virtually uncriticized by the Rothschild media, which cheerleaded it with an occasional nod to the steadily antiquating notion of human rights. We watched news anchors report in blasé tones that U.S. Army  or U.S. Marine forces would be conducting drills in various cities or neighborhoods across the Unites States, and "don't be alarmed."

Should citizens be alarmed that an entire American town has been built for U.S. Army drills to be conducted? Should citizens be alarmed that targets depicting pregnant women and children were sold to the DHS and continue to be sold to the DHS?

Targets sold to DHS.

We watched from helicopter television cameras as emergency personnel stood around doing nothing after the so-called "Sandy Hook shootings," which it turns out resulted in zero confirmed deaths, though the crisis actors involved cried tears (or tried to cry tears) and told stories meant to convince you otherwise. The razing of the school, which, at any other crime scene, would be called "destroying evidence," was completed early in 2014.

In Massachusetts, 9,000 armored military and militarized police searched the Greater Boston area for a single suspect after the staged and embarrassingly uneventful "Boston bombings" (uneventful except for crisis actors' absurd theatrics), forcing thousands of homeowners to submit to home inspections without a singe warrant issued.

Big Brother

On February 12, 2013, we watched as our televised Big Brother – I mean Barack Obama, I mean Barry Soetoro, I mean Barry Soebarkah, I mean Harrison J. Bounel, or whatever his name is – cheer our transformation into Amerika
-->. We watched this presidential poser destroy, with televised signing of bill after bill after bill, our precious Constitution, the document that so brilliantly and methodically enumerates the basic rights of all United States citizens.
We picked up Christmas wrappings in our living rooms on December 26, 2013 and had no idea that on that very day President (sic) Obama (sic) signed into law H.R. 3304, "National Defense Authorization Act for Fiscal Year 2014." This act, which the Great Dictator Wannabe originally said he would not sign, but which everyone knew he would sign, gives the U.S. military the power to indefinitely detain U.S. citizens without being charged with a crime, thus burying the 4th Amendment six feet under.

We watched President (sic) Obama (sic) talk in detail at a March 6, 2014 press conference about an executive order he signed with the (intentionally?) vague title of "Blocking Property of Certain Persons Contributing to the Situation in Ukraine." This blunt show of naked force, in the guise of protecting the U.S., states that "any United States person" can have his assets (all of his assets) seized if his actions, "direct or indirect . . . threaten the peace, security, stability, sovereignty, or territorial integrity of Ukraine." Are you a supporter of Crimean sovereignty? Get ready to have your bank account emptied by Big Brother.

This casual televised verbal trampling of the Constitution and international law was immediately followed up by Zionist infiltrator and super-spin artist Wolf Blitzer saying the following: "The U.S. will start using sanctions as a way to get involved and make sure that Russia does not formally take over part of the sovereign Ukraine, which would be Crimea." At the time he spoke these words, Blitzer (who has almost as many names as "Barack"), did not yet know, and therefore could not inform his dwindling CNN audience, that, in five days, on March 11, 2014, the Autonomous Republic of Crimea would detach itself from Ukraine and then, on March 16, 2014, the Crimean people would vote to join Russia, with 80% of Crimeans voting in a referendum and 96.8% of those voting, voting in favor of joining Russia.

And the show isn't over.

The build-up to total tyranny has been televised, and the tyranny itself, a tyranny total and absolute, will also be televised. And it's coming soon to a neighborhood near you. These hundreds of armored personnel carriers rolled through Texas on a train last month.

And when they come for you, that too will be televised. You'll probably even get a chance to watch the footage, on some screen or other, before they separate you from your spouse and your children, take you to separate FEMA camps, force-vaccinate you, torture you, starve you, and kill you – unless you're are one of the lucky 500,000,000 (five hundred million) microchipped serfs the Rothschild-funded Illuminati allow to live and serve them.

Member of Congress admits FEMA camps in 1997.

So stock up on popcorn and enjoy the show.

Jock Doubleday is a writer and researcher.

A New Declaration of Independence of the People of the Land Known Today as the United States of America

A New Declaration of Independence from Jock Doubleday on Vimeo.

An open source document originally published as a Facebook Note on January 6, 2014

A New Declaration of Independence of the People of the Land Known Today as the United States of America

When in the course of human events a government is infiltrated, and its power usurped, by men and women of avarice and ill-intent, as in the course of time all governments must be, it becomes the duty and the privilege of good and reasonable persons, whose quiet lives of lawful action stand in pleasant contrast to the lives of the unsavory and well-positioned few, to resist transgressive tyranny and declare new independence and new sovereignty.

We, the people of the land known today as the United States of America, a community of persons of all races, colors, creeds, religions, and beliefs, do hold these truths to be foundational and unassailable, that natural persons are created with unalienable rights afforded them by the divinity from which they spring, namely, the right to life, the right to liberty, and the right to lawful, individual pursuit of happiness.
 
We, the people of the land known today as the United States of America, do hold that, to protect our natural rights, a branched and balanced tree of government, a sapling bright with possibility, must be new-planted in the spring that follows winter's tyranny, and that the winter tree of government, corrupted in its substance, if not its form, must be upheaved.

We, the people of the land known today as the United States of America, do hold that some well-rooted and cold-hearted family banking dynasties, expressing themselves most odiously as central banks that prey upon the currencies of nations, have worked for centuries stealthily to insinuate themselves into the wholesome body of humanity, in the guise of medicine to cure the body politic, and in such fraudulent guise have wreaked unholy havoc on the happiness of peoples and the hard-won wealth of nations.

We, the people of the land known today as the United States of America, do hold that these few family lineages have gained control of the major media, the public schools, the medical schools, the legal system, and the vast majority of politicians, indeed the very process of election itself, more easily to steer the hearts and minds of men, the ship of broad opinion, toward a dark, unwelcome shore.

We, the people of the land known today as the United States of America, do hold that men and women in the highest ranks of government have colluded with unprincipled heads of corporations, banks, and other interests to subvert both common law and common decency, and that, to break their stranglehold upon society, provisions of a special nature must be made, namely:

to dismantle, in form and substance, the cynically named Federal Reserve, a parasitical cabal of banks whose 100-year reign over this great nation's money supply has thrown plain commerce into chaos, caused untold misery, sent millions to untimely graves, and bankrupted by stark egregious fraud an otherwise unbridled engine of prosperity;

to release, for public view, the records of these banking families' transactions in the last 100 years, since the creation of the Federal Reserve, to aid in fair and honest criminal trials of the banking families' members who have stolen, by outrageous fraud, the wealth, and means of wealth creation, from unwitting generations;

to abolish courts whose proceedings have, by public record, served to bolster, indeed certify, a labyrinthine multitude of statutory whims du jour while burying beneath a growing weight of legal language the brief, bright, lucid wisdom of foundational law that has for centuries gone by the name of common law, or natural law, or the law of the land;

to abolish, in its entirety, all statutory legislation unaligned with common law;

to free, immediately, all persons incarcerated by statutory law who otherwise would have remained free under common law;

to abolish all laws and executive orders unaligned with the Constitution;

to end, forever, the so-called "State of Emergency" that cynical forces have used as a loophole to create unconstitutional laws and unconstitutional executive orders;

to end all wars without defensive cause;

to end preemptive strikes on nations, peoples, persons;

to end all military action in the guise of humanitarian aid;

to end all association with the United Nations;

to end the federalization of police;

to end the war on drugs;

to end the war on terror;

to strike the national debt – a debt created by fraud by deceitful and usurious bankers – from the nation's weary registers;

to allow, indeed to celebrate, competing currencies;

to abolish all property taxes;

to abolish all income taxes;

to make all government proceedings transparent to the people;

to make all government facilities, including Deep Underground Military Bases, H.A.A.R.P. facilities, and other secret facilities, available for public visitation and constructive use;

to abolish all weather-modification programs, including and especially chemtrail programs;

to abolish all genetic engineering laboratories and programs;

to destroy all bioweapons laboratories and programs;

to abolish all nuclear weapons programs and safely dismantle all nuclear weapons;

to abolish and safely dismantle all nuclear power plants;

to abolish the FDA;

to abolish the CDC;

to destroy all FEMA internment and reeducation camps;

to abolish all Native American internment and reeducation camps, known today as reservations, and restore to Native American peoples fertile, unfettered lands befitting their respective cultural heritages;

to abolish torture of any kind and destroy all torture facilities;

to abolish standing armies;

to end domestic habitation of foreign military personnel;

to abolish existing drone programs and destroy all surveillance drones and weaponized drones;

to abolish any agency performing unreasonable searches and seizures; and

to abolish, forever, electronic voting machines.

We, the people of the land known today as the United States of America, do hold that our patient sufferance of the Machiavellian machinations of financial institutions using governments as whores is at an end, and that men and women of principle are ethically constrained boldly to alter a too long-corrupted body politic and fashion a society aligned with liberty.

We, the people of the land known today as the United States of America, do declare our independence from financial institutions that have worked by fraud, and in secret, to create societal division by using media to steer otherwise tolerant men toward hatred, riot, skirmishes, and war, and do declare our independence in particular from financial institutions owned or controlled by Rothschild family members and their banking colleagues whose bloodlines have allowed them access to inestimable wealth and power unimaginable and unattainable by common men and women.

We, the people of the land known today as the United States of America, do hold that laws birthed from politicians' pens at the behest of banking and financial interests do not deserve the name of law but must forever take the name of fraud, and that a government working in secret with society-fracturing financial institutions, as our government has done for centuries, is an abject slave to monied interests and cannot represent the people or do good for them.

We, the people of the land known today as the United States of America, do disavow the usurpations of unprincipled men of finance and their minions swelling the greedy halls of government, and all the contracts they have wrought in concert, and in secret, and in fraud, through the long years since the original Declaration of Independence was created.

We, the people of the land known today as the United States of America, by the authority of common law and in the name of the sovereign individuals of this nation, by ties of common membership in this, the human race, whose "races" are but variations on a great and noble theme, do boldly declare our freedom, total and without constraint, from all political, financial, and, especially, legal and unlawful tethers formerly binding sovereign men and women to unrighteous action and unnecessary daily toil and pain.

In support of this Declaration, we pledge our lives.

Signed,

The Psychopath Show

We, the 99.999%, should gather all of the world's psychopaths – the globalists (the Illuminati and their willful servants, aka "the .001%") into existing prison facilities on Riker's Island. 

The psychopaths' ultimate punishment would not be prison, per se. It would be that they would have to deal with each other for the rest of their lives.

A few of the psychopaths under consideration: 1) Lord Jacob de Rothschild  2) his son Nathaniel 3) Baron John de Rothschild 4) Sir Evelyn de Rothschild 5) David Rockefeller 6) Nathan Warburg 7) Henry Kissinger 8) Gyorgy Schwartz, aka "George Soros" 9) Paul Volcker 10) Larry Summers 11) Lloyd Blankfein 12) Ben Shalom Bernanke

We, the 99.999%, should then produce a reality TV show called "The Psychopath Show," showing all of the globalists (the .001%) sitting in the prison cafeteria planning their takeover of the world, lifting weights planning their takeover of the world, sitting in their cells planning their takeover of the world, etc.

I think it would be a very popular show.

Chemtrail pilots would be housed in cells with windows, so they could glimpse the beautiful daylight they once poisoned with barium, aluminum oxide, and other substances harmful to life on the planet.

We (the non-psychopath majority, "the 99.999%") need to create some new sites:

deadlypsychopaths.com

listing key globalists like the heads of House of Rothschild-controlled financial institutions, "royalty" like the Queen of England, financial mavericks like admitted Nazi collaborator Gyorgy Schwartz ("George Soros"), biosphere-corrupters like Hugh Grant (not the actor – Monsanto's chairman and president/CEO), and vaccine-genocide proponents such as Bill Gates, with photographic and videographic documentation of their deeds;

paychecksoverpatriotism.com

or

paychecksoversanity.com

listing complicit politicians like Barry Soetoro ("Barack Obama"), Rahm Emanuel, Hillary Rodham Clinton, Henry Kissinger, etc., complicit bureaucratic minions like Ben Bernanke, Alan Greenspan, Eric Holder, etc., complicit media personnel (virtually all mainstream news editors), with photographic and videographic documentation of their deeds..

We, the 99.999%, need to name and document the deeds of these psychopathic personalities (the .001%) so that they can be tried for their crimes and permanently incarcerated – for the good of humanity.

Will Celebrities Have Their Own FEMA Camp?

by Jock Doubleday

Yes! Celebrities will have their own FEMA camp.

Camp Glitter: A FEMA camp for celebrities

The celebrity FEMA camp, "Camp Glitter," will be located on the beautiful island of Maui.

The beautiful island of Maui

The location of Camp Glitter is presently secret -- the U.S. government does not want fans storming the camp to meet celebrities. :)

But rest assured that, wherever Camp Glitter is actually located, your favorite celebrities will have a good view of the ocean!

A view similar to the view from Camp Glitter

Which of my favorite celebrities will be imprisoned at Camp Glitter?

The great majority of your favorite celebrities will be imprisoned at Camp Glitter until the bankers' apocalyse has climaxed.

These celebrities include, but are not limited to:

Adam Sandler, Alec Baldwin, Amy Poehler, Angelina Jolie, Ashton Kutcher, Ben Affleck, Beyonce Knowles, Bon Jovi, Cameron Diaz, Charlize Theron, David Beckham, David Letterman, Donald Trump, Dr. Dre, Dr. Phil, Emma Stone, George Lopez, J.K. Rowling, Jay-Z, Jennifer Aniston, Jennifer Lawrence, Jennifer Lopez, Jerry Seinfeld, Joan Rivers, Jude Law, Justin Bieber, Kanye West, Kate Winslet, Katy Perry, Kim Kardashian, Kobe Bryant, Lady Gaga, Leonardo DiCaprio, Lorde, Louis C.K., Madonna, Mark Wahlberg, Meryl Streep, Mila Kunis, Oprah Winfrey, Rihanna, Ryan Seacrest, Sandra Bullock, Seth MacFarlane, Taylor Swift, Tiger Woods, Tina Fey, Tyler Perry, Will Smith, and Zooey Deschanel.

Will Robert Downey, Jr. be imprisoned at Camp Glitter?

No.

Why not?

Robert Downey, Jr. is not a celebrity. He is a god.

Robert Downey, Jr.

 
Will Maria Sharapova be imprisoned at Camp Glitter?

No. There is a tennis court at Camp Glitter, but it is not regulation-sized, and Ms. Sharapova absolutely cannot play on it.

Maria Sharapova

Besides, Ms. Sharapova is a Russian citizen, and the U.S. government has stated that, in the unfortunate event that Ms. Sharapova is "affectionately handled" by FEMA guards, "we don't want Russia breathing down our necks. Obviously it's fine with us if FEMA guards affectionately handle Oprah or J.K. Rowling or Kanye West or Jennifer Aniston, or any other U.S. or British citizen."
 
Will celebrities be allowed to continue to "act a fool" at Camp Glitter?  

Yes. Celebrity antics will be encouraged at Camp Glitter, and those antics will be live-streamed to all other U.S. FEMA camps.

Photo by Christopher Polk, Getty Images.

Non-celebrity FEMA camp residents will need to be entertained while they are separated from their spouses -- and from their children, who will be taken away to be "managed" by warm-hearted, child-friendly CPS employees -- and while parents and children alike are force-vaccinated for research purposes.

Hey, after 217 years in which there never been a single long-term controlled study on any vaccine, it's time to show how great vaccines are! Non-celebrity FEMA camp "volunteers" will make the perfect participants in studies conducted by benevolent pharmaceutical companies.

Will celebrities at Camp Glitter also be force-vaccinated?

No. Only non-celebrities will be force-vaccinated. Celebrities at Camp Glitter will be allowed to choose which, if any, vaccines they desire. Celebrities will even be allowed to order customized vaccines, in the same way they ordered a half-cooled double cinnamon pumpkin-spice latte when they were free.

Kate Winslet with her chosen hot morning beverage

Celebrities will be able to choose which of the following vaccine ingredients they enjoy most:

sodium ethylmercurithiosalicylate (or thimerosal, a mercury derivative)
phenoxyethanol
phenol (a disinfectant dye)
phenol red
formaldehyde (a preservative and disinfectant. Formaldehyde is an EDF recognized carcinogen, a suspected gastrointestinal and/or liver toxicant, immunotoxicant, neurotoxicant, reproductive toxicant, respiratory toxicant, and skin /sense organ toxicant. Formaldehyde is "more hazardous than most chemicals in 5 out of 12 ranking systems." It is on at least 8 federal regulatory lists. It is ranked as "one of the most hazardous compounds (worst 10%) to ecosystems and human health." Formadehyde is one of the most toxic substances known to humankind.)
ammonium sulfate
aluminum hydroxide
aluminum phosphate
benzethonium chloride
polysorbate 20
polysorbate 80
polyribosylribitol
MRC5 proteins
betapropiolactone
neomycin
neomycin sulfate
streptomycin
polymyxin
polymyxin B
amphotericin B
gentamicin sulfate
tri(n)butylphosphate
freeze-dried polysaccharide antigens (from Neisseria meningitidis)
monosodium glutamate
potassium monophosphate
potassium diphosphate
human serum albumin
washed sheep red blood cells
porcine (pig) pancreatic hydrolysate of casein
embryonic fluid (chicken egg)
hydrolyzed gelatin (calf and cattle skins, cattle bones and pork skin)
calf serum
fetal bovine serum
fetal rhesus diploid cells (FRhL-2 cell line)
African green monkey kidney heteroploid cells (Vero cell line)
and human diploid cells (human aborted fetal tissue)

Due to the proximity of Maui to Japan, will celebrities at Camp Glitter be exposed to excessive amounts of radiation from the Fukushima nuclear power plants damaged on March 11, 2011?

Please define "excessive"!

Celebrities are America's top priority, and fans can be assured that they will be well taken care of at Camp Glitter!!